THINKING OUTLOUD, LITERALLY
...I spent an hour or so pouring my heart out on this blogpost last night as I was sitting in bed and my brain juice was flowing - and then my internet failed so my blog didn't autosave. Bye bye blogpost... Anyhow, I always have a lot in mind before I fall asleep (is that a common thing?) and I am going to try and rummage through those thoughts again.
So one might ask - why do you squint in most of your photos? Welp, I ask myself the same thing too but I have no idea.... I guess it's kind of a habit, and it makes me, me, right? :) I realize I almost never have answers to the questions I ask myself. What am I going to do with my life? What do I want to do next year? Or in five years? How about in ten? These questions are always in the back of my head, and they haunt me like a nightmare. Perhaps it's 'cause my 3rd year of uni is ending in a couple of weeks, and graduation will be happening this time next year.
Sometimes, I hate feeling lost - but then I learnt that life is full of unknown variables and it is okay to feel uneasy and scared and worry and frustrated. It is all a part of life.
Recently, jokes about wanting to relive our childhoods come up every now and then in conversations with friends. What if we could say and ask anything we want since adults never take kids seriously? What if we could go home to parents/family and warm hugs and big kisses, without having to worry about conflicts and stress from work? What if we could eat chips and fries and ramen and all-things-unhealthy without caring about our bodies? What if we didn't have to constantly be competing and fighting for jobs/recognition/(fill in the blank)?
That'd be nice, wouldn't it?
I feel like I didn't do so well with the transition between childhood -- teenage phase -- adulthood. Sometimes I still feel like screaming and yelling and throwing tantrums like a little kid. I want to grab crayons and doodle all over my room. I am tempted to eat all-things-unhealthy. I miss seeing my parents every day. I disagree with competition/survival for the fittest. I guess I just want to live life simply and peacefully.
Life seems to be full of limitations, uncertainties and complexities. So I found my own ways to do that. I try to stay creative in most things I do. I picked up skills to talk myself through stressful/anxious situations if there is no one here for me. I learnt to ignore certain things and people in order to stay true to myself. I reward myself yet leave room for improvement.
All I've ever wanted is for the people around me and myself to be happy and live at ease; to inspire and be inspired; to live life simply and peacefully.
NEXT TIME I WILL LET YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO LATELY. SHARE SOME ART/DESIGN INSIGHTS AGAIN. ALSO SONG RECS. YAY.